xx  in my room  xx
around are four walls
and a light flickers from above
a soft cushion underneath me
with the pillow that i hugged and loved
the only place where
i tell my secrets to
like it was alive like me
my room where i always go to
i am lying in this bed
red, squishy and tethered
comfortably resting quietly now
releasing my tension instead
safe, sound and secure
invulnerable to all reality
one hand placed gently on my chest
eyes are closed willingly
music floating in the air
zephyr brushing against my hair
the television left turned on
where is the remote?
i glanced  around my room
beside was a picture frame
in it was your photo
scribbled below was your lovely name
in my room, in my place
on my squishy, red and tethered bed
staring at the occupied space
i pulled up the blanket above my head

xx  sweet misery  xx
the sun is staring at my eyes
blinding me with it's light
can somebody take me away from this place
away from where the light shines upon me
and now I'm wondering why
why the light burns my skin so badly
and why i seek the comfort of the darkness
cold, damp and plain nothingness
is it because it shelters me from the light?
because I like hiding from the light
hiding from everything that's bright
i know it will go away at night
but I hide myself since it's still there
i am now weary and without glory
i wallow as tears form behind my eyes
but in your eyes was nothing but pity
you reach out for my hand
but I shoved it away from me
once again i am a prisoner of this misery
… a bitter-sweet misery
i lay my eyes upon the man
reaching his hand out to help
telling me to come back to him
but I cant succumb to such a hopeless act
and I try to cut myself
seeing myself bleeding and happy
a trace of my own pool of blood
staggering through every stab of my blade
you touch me and it prickles my soul
carrying me on your back
the light piercing through my skin
a trail of blood came out of the darkness
then I blanked out on myself
i am surrounded again by black
your rescue failed to bring me back
i changed my god and now i'm waiting for you to react.

xx  all alone this christmas  xx
i'm all alone this christmas
cause I'm hiding from it all
everything outside my bedroom door
wanting nothing more
to have myself alone this year
away from the world, just in my room
secluded from the joy this moment brings
and silence is all these four walls bring
i hear myself breathing
waiting forit all to end
thinking about this broken home
i know i just cant pretend
pne gasp and again i catch my breath
the Christmas ghost i wish ive met
this event that is already set
this loneliness to me bring a threat
despite everything that I have done
my back lies flat against the floor
i am all alone this Christmas
losing myself even more
no presents to open for me tonight
i'm hanging only under the moon's light
finding comfort beneath my crumpled sheets
for the rest of this cold night

xx  im nothing  xx
i'm not a hero cause I cant fly
i'm weak, I cant save my own life
i don't have any strength to fight
and I cant act like heroes might
i'm not a lover cause I don't have a heart
hasn't felt love from the very start
couldn't say those three small words
i might get hurt and fall apart
i'm not anyone's angel cause there's no wings
i cant comprehend any blessing that God brings
i cant even save myself every time I fall
i'm not an angel, not at all…
i'm not a friend cause I never cared
didn't find anyone that I think I deserved
walking alone, slowly as people glared
i don't have anyone cause no one dared
i'm not a poet but I can write
rhyming during this lonesome flight
though these words may look good in your sight
i know my words were never right
i know who I'm not but not who I am
never found hope cause I don't think I can
cant describe whatever this I'm feeling
i can no longer live my life knowing i'm nothing

xx  pain  xx
there's a deep feeling crushing my soul
pain that was brought by your love
a forbidden thought came into my mind
as i search for the same thing i can never find
looking at myself at the mirror
looking beyond that glass to glance back at my reflection
i discover the truth that i kept so well hidden
that i loved you more than i had imagined
the pain that you had brought into my life
the pain that made me cry every night
the night i went out into the rain
the same rain that washed away the tears with my pain
two more months and i'll see you again
two months of loneliness and grief
before another pain takes over my heart
and leave me on my knees while you depart

xx  window  xx
everytime i hug my pillow
when i fall asleep at night
i can see myself by the window
holding my bedsheets real tight
staring at the sky beyond that glass
looking at your face at night
hugging my pillow a little  more tight
hoping it was you by my side
so i open the window and you fade away
and the stars look back at me
as the cold wind caresses my skin
i close the window once again
everytime i close my eyes
and everytime i go to bed
i see your face beyond that window
your picture stuck in my head
everytime i dream of you
tears would roll down my cheeks
cause i know that it's impossible
for you to be who my heart seeks
you're far away from me
our world's may never meet
you may never look at me again
but you're everything my heart beats
so as the sun's rays taps my face
i'd look at that clear glass once again
and how i saw you late last night
wishing i will not tonight

xx  loneliness  xx
through the deepest depths
i cry out for help
my soul cant take the confinement
that these walls left
walls that stare at my every move
looking at my very self
insanity surfacing on my mind
as my consciousness drowns in anxiety
the hands of loneliness digging deep
how much longer do i have to be alone?
no sound to hear except for laughter
a wicked laugh that riddles my thoughts
i seek refuge but hide in the dark
crawling beneath the dusk of night
day after day, stuck in a miserable place
sucking my vision of reality
pain that had taken a stab at my faith
no life among the walls that secluded me
from the world outside,
loneliness that has manifested my fear
scared about the truth that my heart had betrayed
will the ending live to my expectations?
or will i submerge again to loneliness
isolated from the certainty behind this barrier
during this maddening state

xx  fear of the beast  xx
i closed my eyes to dream
i can feel myself cold
back in this lonely place
back in my lonely state
i see the face of my fear
staring back at me
a horrible black beast
with silver eyes and teeth
but instead of running away
i gave in to the fear
i embraced the beast
as i became it's feast
it's sharp grinding teeth
added more scars to my skin
tearing me into pieces
and losing my whole sense of being
i am surrounded by black
i place my head between my knees
i am left with no defense
but everything made total sense
locked inside the jaws
i lost myself in what i found
deep inside this dark compound
where i cant make a single sound
i catch my breath once again
i open up my eyes and then
i lay upon my broken bed
and stare up at the dark gray ceiling
i know that lonely people
seek for places to hide
for no one can help them
and guide them through their stride
as lonely as i am
i cant go any further
i stop at where i am
and live no life no longer

xx  pag-iisa  xx
hanggang ngayon, nakaukit sa aking isipan
ako'y nag-iisa sa mundong ginagalawan
marami man akong nakilalang kaibigan
ako naman ay kanila nang naiwanan
ibaon ko man sa limot ang alaala
di pa rin maiiwasan ang aking pag-iisa
lahat ng kakilala ay may patutunguhan
habang ako ay litong-lito sa aking daan
ano nga ba ang problema ko?
bakit wala man lang akong makasundo?
bakit kailangang sakin mangyari to?
kaya ba ako'y nagalit sa mundo?
di maalis sa isipan ang aking pagkalungkot
kahit na pinipilit ko nang makalimot
ano ba ang kasalanan ko sa mundo
para ako ay pagkaitan nang ganito?
wala nang silbi ang buhay na ganito
bawat araw ako ay nasisiraan ng ulo
at alam kong ang bukas ay wala ring pagbabago
buong araw na nakahiwalay sa mga tao
sana lang ako ay may pagtataguan
sa mga salitang kanilang binitiwan
isipin ko man at balikan ang kahapon
hindi ko pa rin magawang makabangon
hindi ako makatitig sa kanilang mga mata
akala nila'y `di ko sila napupuna
akala nila'y mataas ang tingin ko sa aking sarili
ngunit sa loob ako'y gumagapang na sa lupa
hindi nila alam na sa likod ng aking masayang mukha
may nakatagong lungkot dahil sa pag-iisa
pero wala na rin naman silang magagawa
maliban na lang kung ako ay samahan nila

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