xx  a little something  xx
it's something i couldn't doubt
cause it's something i can't live without
a little something to lift me up
something that tells me when to stop
the only thing to make me fall down on my knees
something that can understand what i please
let's top it with these silly rhymes
it's just another addictive disease
something that is always on my mind
but it's something i can rarely find
and if something would keep us apart
then i guess i wasn't that smart
something that makes me blush
and puts little butterflies in my stomach
something i don't want to cover up
but something to cover up all my flaws
so when something makes me laugh
when something makes me cry
when something keeps me high all day
and something keeps saving my life
so let me break the record
by putting another something in this line
but i wont make the same mistake
and put another something in my life
so i'll cease these stupid riddles
if you still don't have any clue
so people will know that that something special
that little something is you

xx  the right side  xx
you say im lucky to be living on the inside
but are you aware of what im trying to hide
cause i saw you outside
standing on the wrong side
struggling  not to get behind
trying not to slide
don't think i like the way i am
you don't know that im a lonely man
looking out the window
viewing the world below
wondering if i should go
if you're the one to follow
trying to figure out if you were right
strolling with you in the endless night
trying not to cry here
facing all my biggest fears
watching me as i stare
nothing more that i can bare
i say you're lucky to be living on the outside
without a care about other people's minds
when you saw me inside
looking at the other side
searching for the right guide
knowing it's time to decide

xx  belief  xx
i believe in God but not wholeheartedly
cause if there's a god, i think He has forsaken me
denying whatever the church teaches me
believing only in my own destiny
and if God died for me and cried for me
i thank and appreciate what He had done for me
and if He has the power to give us everything
happiness and joy or any peace that He can bring
nothing was given to me except for suffering
without any understanding of any of His blessings

xx  daddy  xx
i hate my daddy
he's laughing while im burning in hell
i hate my daddy
i've got a thousand more stories to tell
and now im crying out, im dying now
cursing him for coming back
suffering wont end if he's here
i hate my daddy
now he's outside the door ringing the bell
i hate my daddy
i've come to Satan with my soul to sell
and now im heating up, im laughing out
whispering and then i shout
life's a bitch, im burning in hell
and i could be so happy
but all my happiness has faded away
i could be so happy
now only death can go and save the day
and now im looking out, crying now
going to my room alone
and slicing up my wrists with a knife
and i could be so happy…
but then there's my daddy…

xx  seeing red  xx
im seeing red, the sky is red
im singing songs ive never heard
im singing songs, songs for the dead
im mourning, wishing i was dead
i bump on a wall, i hit my head
i noticed it was a knife up ahead
i bleed my head up to my back
i realized all my blood was black
the pain felt good, it always has
i love this feeling im feeling now
bleeding until the last drop of blood
death upon my wish bestowed

xx  nasirang tahanan  xx
tingnan niyo ako itay, inay
nararapat pa ba akong mabuhay
lumaki ba ako ayon sa inyong plano?
ito kaya ay aking ikalulumbay?
inaaksaya ko lang ba ang aking oras
sa mga ginagawa kong kagustuhan?
napakasakit naman kung iisipin
na iisa na lamang ang natitirang daan
ginawa ko na ang lahat mapasaya lang kayo
kahit ito ay labag sa aking kalooban
hindi ko na kayang makapag-kunwari
nakaukit na ang aking kalungkutan
di pa ba sapat ang mga ginawa ko?
hindi niyo na rin ako mababago
ayoko nang pahirapan pa ang aking sarili
iiwanan ko na lamang ba ang mga alaalang ito?
hindi na ako aabot sa inyong mga inaasahan
pasensya na, patawad na lang
sana'y minahal ninyo ako
noong ako ay bata pa lamang
nakalimutan na lang ang aking mga nagawa
sana'y bumalik muli ako sa aking pagkabata
may pagbabago kayang mangyayari?
marami rin kayang mawawala?
minsan parang ako'y nasa isang kulungan
maraming bagay na di maiwanan
maraming salita ang nabitiwan
dinadamdam bawat salitang napakinggan
susubukan kong huwag isipin
ang sakit na aking nararanasan
o dapat ko bang pakawalan ang lahat
ang paghihirap ba ay mababawasan?
lahat ng araw na kayo ay kasama
pinipilit ko na lamang na huwag tumulala
nagkalayo na ang dating pagsasama
pagkalungkot na lamang ang aking madadala
hindi na mababago ang inyong mga nasabi
hindi ko na mapipigilan ang aking sarili
huwag niyo sana akong talikuran
ngayong madami dapat tayong pag-usapan
ano ang kailangan kong gawin
upang malaman nila?
kailangan ko pa bang gumawa ng isang sulat
para lang makausap ko sila?
lilipasan na lamang ako ng panahon
sayang naman at ito'y napabayaan
ang mga pagkakamaling kanilang nagawa
ay hindi pa rin magawang malimutan
iiyak at magmumukmok
tititigan ang mga bituing `di maabot
aasahan na bukas ay may pagbabago
wala nang dapat pang ikatakot
kaya ko pa ba itong ipaglaban?
naguguluhan ngunit ito'y susubukan
nararapat na pakinggan ang aking damdamin
kailangang maayos ang problema sa tahanan
maibalik ang ang dati, sa halip na paghihiwalay
may pag-asa pa ang aking buhay
sana'y maayos lahat ng problema
Panginoon, kailangan namin ng Iyong gabay
paghihirapan at pagsisikapan
na hindi masira pa ang naturing tahanan
titingnan kung ito ay aking makakayanan
sana'y hindi ito muling masayang

xx  shades  xx
12 shades of purple
24 shades of gray
had enough humiliation
twice more than to my dismay
minutes are passing so quickly
seconds are flying by fast
hours tend to be more revealing
escape from this is a must
36 shades of red
16 shades of blue
no choice but to crash and burn
than to be acquainted to you
feels like a stab in the back
secrets are now out
just a last simple request
before my light fades out

xx  breakdown  xx
i'm thinking of breaking up with you
and now it's me who's breaking down
wanting to see someone new
but the thoughts of you are soaring in my mind
i'm having a hard time letting you go
your vision is stuck in my mind
but now you're gone and i cant think straight
i'm missing your smile but it's all left behind
i'm craving to have you in my arms
but i keep on fading back away
i'd rather die than to lose you
i hope you're reading everything i say
i wish i could've told you
the feelings i kept deep inside
i can't forgive myself for losing you
so hear me out cause i'm not moving on
you're a part of me and now you're gone

xx  lost sheep  xx
i am a lost sheep
in the dark im hiding deep
longing for my master
and forever i'm his to keep
i got distracted from my path
never wanting to go back
taking on a different track
covering myself behind the dark
blaming everything on myself
why i got lost and took off
and never wanting to return
to the shepherd's gentle arms
faith disappeared in my mind
and with hope that i will never find
im wasting my time
it's too late now and that's too bad
never gonna feel the life i once had
i got off from a bad start
and in the end i'll fall apart
without any hands except
for the one that belongs to my master
reaching out, my savior and redeemer
now falling to the hands of my rightful owner
to help me get back in line
no longer am i lost and lonely
and everything i lost got back to me
got rescued from this uncertainty
with the shepherd right here loving me

xx  photographs  xx
i used to think i was nobody
experiencing my highschool days
growing up with no hope
assuming i could get away
all the nights i stayed up crying
within this void that is my soul
i trapped myself in this shell
losing every bit of self-control
these photographs remind me of
the faces of the ones i loved
they never failed to smile for me
but now they're gone forever
i'll be taking one more step ahead
with my other foot still left behind
the pictures of those few good people
are still forever in my mind
growing up to see tomorrow
and remembering the memories
of smiling foolishly in those photos
you're holding tightly in your hands
i could've smiled more casually
but i was taken over by insecurities
a fake grin ran across my face
now im holding back from that mistake
the photographs of yesterday
reminding me of who i was
but the tears that came with all the pain
left to be forgotten in the past

xx  loser  xx
today im still at home again
it's the 12th day of summer vacation
havent gone anywhere but my house
i think i'll need much more attention
ive been recently staring at the mirror
figuring out how i would catch up
with everybody planning ahead for college
when im still here with my life all messed up
ive had no contact with my friends
four weeks and it's back to school again
my college life will soon begin
and i cant imagine what might happen
am i gonna be cool and popular?
do i have what it takes to get that far?
oh no, i think im gonnnna be a loser
id spend more time reaching for that star
they could be asking "who's this messed up kid?"
with an all black outfit everyday
they may hate me but it's okay
cause they'll live to see me another day
i wont listen to them talking trash
dont wanna play those stupid games they play
dont wanna be someone else but me
i might be a loser but that's fine with me