xx  another day  xx
another lonely day is going by
once again my blank mind would fly
sitting beside the window near by
different thoughts are in my head
never minding whatever you said
wish i never got up from my bed
you're standing right in front of me
and i don't think someone else could see
are you thinking what kind of joke this could be?
the clock goes `tick, tock' time would pass
breathing each and everyone's gas
how long is this sunny day going to last?
still with that thought in my head
covered and coated with my own sweat
the burning hot sun will soon set
the day was long and bored me out
unleashed a loud and frightening shout
the same tone that bellowed out from my mouth

xx  believe  xx
believe in what you want
i am who i wanted to be
believe in what you believe
what you'll get is what you see
i am who i am
when there's nothing i can see
i put my troubles upon the world
when i feel the world is against me
the blacks and the stars
i wear who i wanna be
don't argue with my fashion
cause I'm living in agony
my god is my only god
my faith is my destiny
i live to follow my heart
i worship my creativity
i wake up with all the burdens
i see with my own two eyes
i listen to what i say
when I'm in my own disguise
nobody can ever change me
believe in what you believe
say what you want to say
i live, i am, i believed

xx  mr. clown  xx
mr. clown, please make me smile
I've waited days for you
do your act, do your dance
do what you are supposed to do
mr. clown, please make me laugh
my mouth have been closed in doubt
make a joke, make me crack
the lights will all soon go out
mr. clown, please sing your song
to calm my troubled mind
take the pain away from me
i want to let go of what's mine
mr. clown please tell the truth
are you lonely inside too?
what's behind your silly grin?
Is it something you can undo?
mr. clown, please let me stay
it's already dark outside
it's a long way back to home
would you let me go inside
mr. clown, please kill me now
i knew your plan all along
I'd rather die than live this life
and finish this old song

xx  kill myself  xx
a thousand words that i can make
if it's just me complaining
a thousand more into these poems
when it's about me dying
maybe i should just kill myself
to see how people would respond
rather that repeating it to myself
over and over again
if i die and if it helps
this current situation
I'd do it as soon as possible
but what i need's some motivation
if i hate my life this much, then God
forsake me with this undying strife
i uncurl myself from this position
so death can come with its scythe
my parents did the worst thing
giving birth to a baby boy
not knowing he would grow up
doing things they wouldn't enjoy
if God hates me then I hate Him too
am i just mad? i don't have a clue
don't treat this poem like it's such an issue
cause this is the only thing i can do

xx  threads of fate  xx
upon the thread that holds my fate
I'll swear my life for your embrace
to catch that dream i hold inside
for this wish i can no longer hide
i can't continue this fantasy
and this dream of you seems vague
i hope i can hold you by my side
but i can't even look at your eyes
i can't touch you, not even talk to you
for the fear of rejection crawls upon me
and every part of my body can't move
when your presence is near
can't bear the loneliness without you
but i'm longing for your kiss when i'm with you
i'm avoiding you now, but one glance of your face
will last me throughout the day
but knowing i can't even hold you
is the one that breaks me down everyday

xx  my life  xx
dipped in pain, greatly vain
friends have become foes
and where this peace once had lain
was now covered with my hatred for them
so will i ever come back to you life?
so will i ever go your way?
will i go back to yonder breast?
save my life, this i say
i looked inside myself carefully
i analyze every thought deep inside
every word that goes through my mind
knowing that people would read me wrong
so i find out that within this shattered exterior
another shattered world lies beneath
love, which is rather rare to find
is just beneath my tattered feet
make haste to make a choice
think fast to decide which road to take
the path i choose to follow
will surely depend on the choice i make
so will i ever come back to you life?
so will i ever go your way?
for this decision holds my life
before i think i am now safe

xx  i am  xx
i am slowing down the hands of time
i am thinking of ways to unwind
i am counting the days i laughed
i am trashing the memories that are sad
i dance around in the rain
i play with my old violin
i ran with my friends down the street
i bathe with them in the creek
i am forming figures in the sky
i am solving riddles in my mind
i am battling with the demons in my head
i am backing away from this dead end
i am adding color to my world
i sing every time im bored
i am waiting for my problems to depart
i hope to get back where i was in the start
i am fooling around inside the class
i know the others i would surpass
i am dressing up for my after school gimmick
i am letting nature do it's trick
i am falling straight into bed
i am thinking bout the things i said
i believe that in the dream i had
i will conquer with you in this land

xx  everybody  xx
everybody hates me
everyone is so fake
no one is here to help me
and everything looks bleak
everybody's judging me
but they're all blind to me
everyone betrayed me
and they think i don't mind
nobody can save me
cause no one understands
that inside im so lonely
and im waiting for some hands
everybody's acting
they're all backstabbing
and everyone is running
from all of their mistakes
everybody's happy
they all leave me behind
back where no one sees me
with hope lost in my mind

xx  miss you tonight  xx
i can't get over you
even if i really wanted to
i still could not forget you
though you've done that a long time ago
i act so tough in front of you
when im really falling apart
outside i look intimidating
while inside you're crushing my heart
im sorry for all of the things I've said
and sorry for everything ive done
i can't get over you
i know you want me to leave you alone
still trying to find somebody  else
who can help me recover
for the wounds are just too deep
to you i'd just rather surrender
i wallow myself to sleep at night
i try to stand up at your sight
and if i succeed in my mission to forget you
I'll regret it cause I'll still miss you tonight

xx  stained  xx
my will of living certainty
is now evanescent as my sanity
forsaken with a love so cruel
denying the path of my destiny
im back to where i was in the start
where my days are turning to grey
i guess when it comes down to it
a kid like me has got so much price to pay
so break me to a million pieces
take my soul and life away
tear my skin and hope apart
to leave me weeping another day
i'll give you my heart and let you break it
you give me yours  but i wont take it
your hunger for the taste of sin
as my life will end when yours begin
before my hands are tainted
with blood that once ran through your veins
defeat my dark and sullied mind
my fragile heart which you have stained
since you pulled yourself away
im now forced back to my domain
alone again with bitterness
and suffering to gain